I met myself when I was 38. Mom died 1279 days ago, or 3.5 years for those who aren’t ticking it off day by day like a prison sentence. She died, out of nowhere. A curveball thrown by the universe with a deep, maniacal, slow-mo laugh echoing around my world. Mom. Dead. All of a … Continue reading Mom’s very loud, very dead voice
Tag: mom
Mother’s Day
I know I post about my mom a lot and you might say that it’s a little TOO much, but that just tells me she wasn’t YOUR mom. Because she was gloriously hilarious and wildly smiley and wickedly smart and ridiculously wise and only the good kind of sarcastic and the deepest type of authentically … Continue reading Mother’s Day
Pianomom
My mother was a renowned performance pianist by age twelve. She read sheet music like one would breathe air. It was a gift - an innate ability. She’d fill in for people, being handed complicated music moments before an event, only to beautifully and eloquently nail it. When she was 18 she lost half of … Continue reading Pianomom
The end
Read "The middle..." here. Why in the hell did I think this was a great set of titles for the story of mom’s death?! The beginning... made sense, The middle... yup, but THE END?! What kind of morbid portion of my brain allowed that one to sneak by? I’ve been staring at a blank screen, … Continue reading The end
The beginning…
Today was the day, a year ago, that my mom finally went to the doctor, which sent her to the ER, which sent her to the ICU. She had been sick for over two weeks and it wasn’t getting better. She’d spent the night before on my couch, trying to sleep propped up because the … Continue reading The beginning…
Moving Forward
I finally picked out a movie and put it on. It was about death and how one navigates the life that ensues, and I only watched in bursts as I focused on sorting your boxes, but I let it play twice for good measure. The world didn't end, you didn't stop loving me, and I … Continue reading Moving Forward
Wrenched
I can't feel you around me like I thought I would. I had no doubt you'd live forever — as I've always believed that god / love / energy never dies, it just transforms — but I ache for the way you used to exist. A text away, long and heartfelt phone calls. A hug, one … Continue reading Wrenched
Oh, Mom
My mom passed away April 20, 2018 - the most unexpected and tragic event of my life. I wrote a speech for the Celebration of Life, and when I chose to post it on my blog, I wrote an intro explaining it (read here). However, here is the speech that poured from me while the … Continue reading Oh, Mom
Funeral
My mom passed away 18 days ago. Complete shock; I am still in denial. She was "healthy as a horse" and never got sick. If she did, she'd be better in a day or so, and we never worried about her. She also hadn't been to a doctor in 20 years, so when she started … Continue reading Funeral
Welcome
My dear, sweet baby sister, You’re going to be a wonderful mom. You know how I know? Because you’re the most loving person I know. Whenever I’ve needed a hug? You’ll give one. And not just one of those “Oh, hey, nice to see you” hugs, but a full body experience for at least the … Continue reading Welcome
Mommy
I know there was a day when you were something other than my mom - those photos you have of the Pre-Mom phase are so surreal that they may as well have been a different incarnation entirely - but since it's not in my consciousness, those Pre-Me days, it's like you've only ever been my … Continue reading Mommy
When you’re a mom
When you're a mom there's no "off the clock." You stay up with the fever and the asthma attack and fighting monsters and you still go to work in the morning. You buy lots of little clothes while you sew your own buttons back on. You make sure they're fed before rushing to the bus … Continue reading When you’re a mom
Ramblings of a Dodo 