I met myself when I was 38. Mom died 1279 days ago, or 3.5 years for those who aren’t ticking it off day by day like a prison sentence. She died, out of nowhere. A curveball thrown by the universe with a deep, maniacal, slow-mo laugh echoing around my world. Mom. Dead. All of a … Continue reading Mom’s very loud, very dead voice
Tag: gratitude
The end
Read "The middle..." here. Why in the hell did I think this was a great set of titles for the story of mom’s death?! The beginning... made sense, The middle... yup, but THE END?! What kind of morbid portion of my brain allowed that one to sneak by? I’ve been staring at a blank screen, … Continue reading The end
An ode to The Meadows
My parents bought 60 acres over a decade ago with dreams of our entire family building on it, complete with visuals of all the grandchildren riding around on bikes between the houses to borrow and return butter. The son married a Canadian and moved to Vancouver, B.C. and has no desire to build and/or return … Continue reading An ode to The Meadows
Struggle & Love
I have spent the last week feeling like one more teeny tiny microscopic thing is going to be what does me in. I have dealt with so much suffering — or if I want to look at it from an enlightened angle, growth — in the last few months... I mean, the Struggle is Real people. … Continue reading Struggle & Love
Mommy
I know there was a day when you were something other than my mom - those photos you have of the Pre-Mom phase are so surreal that they may as well have been a different incarnation entirely - but since it's not in my consciousness, those Pre-Me days, it's like you've only ever been my … Continue reading Mommy
The Witness Consciousness
Who am I? That seems to be the theme of my twenties and thirties. Am I the voice that incessantly comments on everything I see, every emotion I have, and waffles from every single viewpoint available? Am I the angry, sad, happy emotions that overwhelm me? Am I this body, the physical form that I … Continue reading The Witness Consciousness
Time Off
Expectations will kill you. They're the big cloudy hopeful dream standing in front of you, that never is quite within your grasp. You have a wonderful four days off looming, and those, by golly, will come and go, but the dream of all what can be done, could be done, will be done... will not, … Continue reading Time Off
When you’re a mom
When you're a mom there's no "off the clock." You stay up with the fever and the asthma attack and fighting monsters and you still go to work in the morning. You buy lots of little clothes while you sew your own buttons back on. You make sure they're fed before rushing to the bus … Continue reading When you’re a mom
Ramblings of a Dodo 