Happy birthday mom! You get to stay 60 for forever as we, despite our best efforts, are rapidly catching up. You were Coral’s age when you had me, your third kid. It’s so sweet to watch Coral on the other side of the globe, enjoying and living her best life. That’s because of you and … Continue reading Sixty two
Author: theamazingdodo
Move on?!
“I will not hide my grief, as I did not hide my love.” This is the most important quote I’ve seen since my grief journey began. Why do we try to silence grievers with “move on,” or have the audacity to dictate how long they grieve? I’m a member of a Motherless Daughters group and … Continue reading Move on?!
The end
Read "The middle..." here. Why in the hell did I think this was a great set of titles for the story of mom’s death?! The beginning... made sense, The middle... yup, but THE END?! What kind of morbid portion of my brain allowed that one to sneak by? I’ve been staring at a blank screen, … Continue reading The end
The middle…
Read “The beginning...” here My mom stayed that first night in the loud and overflowing ER with flimsy curtain dividers, taking meds to try to release the excess liquid in her lungs, because in order to check her heart they needed her to lay flat on her back. The next morning there was very little … Continue reading The middle…
The beginning…
Today was the day, a year ago, that my mom finally went to the doctor, which sent her to the ER, which sent her to the ICU. She had been sick for over two weeks and it wasn’t getting better. She’d spent the night before on my couch, trying to sleep propped up because the … Continue reading The beginning…
Happy Birthday!
Anyone who knows me knows that I suffered greatly during pregnancy and with my little ones. Now whether that was because I actually did have a harder time than most or because I’m a giant wuss and just like to complain a lot, the world may never know. The first year with each of my … Continue reading Happy Birthday!
Divine place within me that is my mother
“The kindest and most meaningful thing anyone ever said to me is: Your mother would be proud of you... The strange and painful truth is that I'm a better person because I lost my mom young. When you say you experienced my writing as sacred, what you are touching is the divine place within me … Continue reading Divine place within me that is my mother
Six months
I sat alone at a new little place I found for lunch the other day and I had a flash of you sitting there across the table - laughing, eating, leaning back and talking with your hands, a chip righteously pointed heavenward in one of them - because that’s what you would have done, driven … Continue reading Six months
Paint
I turned the corner and the breath rushed out of me, my heart stopped completely. I drove by in slow motion and felt my resolution crumble into a million pieces, again. The tears already down my chin before I noticed they'd started. Someone was ripping off the siding from your favorite Mexican restaurant, where you … Continue reading Paint
Moving Forward
I finally picked out a movie and put it on. It was about death and how one navigates the life that ensues, and I only watched in bursts as I focused on sorting your boxes, but I let it play twice for good measure. The world didn't end, you didn't stop loving me, and I … Continue reading Moving Forward
Wrenched
I can't feel you around me like I thought I would. I had no doubt you'd live forever — as I've always believed that god / love / energy never dies, it just transforms — but I ache for the way you used to exist. A text away, long and heartfelt phone calls. A hug, one … Continue reading Wrenched
Baby Sister
This is the time of your life you are going to look back on with wonder and awe at the strength you were able to summon and the love that you were able to emanate from the depths of your soul. These will be known as your Warrior Years, when you fought your most heroic … Continue reading Baby Sister
Oh, Mom
My mom passed away April 20, 2018 - the most unexpected and tragic event of my life. I wrote a speech for the Celebration of Life, and when I chose to post it on my blog, I wrote an intro explaining it (read here). However, here is the speech that poured from me while the … Continue reading Oh, Mom
Funeral
My mom passed away 18 days ago. Complete shock; I am still in denial. She was "healthy as a horse" and never got sick. If she did, she'd be better in a day or so, and we never worried about her. She also hadn't been to a doctor in 20 years, so when she started … Continue reading Funeral
Welcome
My dear, sweet baby sister, You’re going to be a wonderful mom. You know how I know? Because you’re the most loving person I know. Whenever I’ve needed a hug? You’ll give one. And not just one of those “Oh, hey, nice to see you” hugs, but a full body experience for at least the … Continue reading Welcome
“I’ve got some words and I cannot let them die in me.” – Macklemore
"I am a writer, because I write." - Cheryl Strayed I've always written, in some form or another, since I was little. I remember the first time I let myself be overcome with expressing myself on paper, it was in the fourth grade at Edgemont Elementary School, and I was asked to do a report … Continue reading “I’ve got some words and I cannot let them die in me.” – Macklemore
The garden is overgrown now
My husband hurt his shoulder at work one year ago today. He heard a snap, felt the familiar pop, and assumed he'd pulled/strained it, again. Six weeks later he could not bear the pain any longer, could not sleep, and so we went to the doctor and began an L & I claim. It's been … Continue reading The garden is overgrown now
“Well I uh, I did skip the 4th grade.” – Ross
My daughter is one of the smartest people I know. Her brain has yet to fill up, if anything, it seems inexhaustible, immeasurable, endless — this ability to devour and retain information. She was reluctant to speak those first several months, it wasn't until after her first birthday that she decided using her vocal cords … Continue reading “Well I uh, I did skip the 4th grade.” – Ross
Ramblings of a Dodo 