“I will not hide my grief, as I did not hide my love.” This is the most important quote I’ve seen since my grief journey began.
Why do we try to silence grievers with “move on,” or have the audacity to dictate how long they grieve? I’m a member of a Motherless Daughters group and I’m shocked by how many don’t have a support system, are shamed, or flat out told to “get over it.” Fellow motherless daughters whose partners/families are saying they’re too emotional/weak, and I want to scoop them up and hold them! Can’t they see their pain? Can’t they see their souls have broken, their gravity annihilated? Have they lost touch with their humanity? Have they, in fact, never loved so deeply? Or have they, much like myself before Momageddon, not been taught what to say or do? Giving platitudes instead of hugs?
I’m beyond blessed to have the most compassionate partner on earth who has not once made me feel anything but loved during this hell. To have my sisters to hold me up.
If there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that I’m loud with my love. And I’m struggling with society’s pressure to be quiet with my love/grief for my dead mom. Why should I hide it? I want to scream from the rooftops every day how much I love and miss my mother. How could I not? She was phenomenal. She kicked my ass when needed, which is probably the most loving act a parent can do. We had a relationship where I told her I loved her often, and I regret each time I didn’t.
Just like with photos. I now have a finite number of photos of my mom, which saddens me greatly. I regret every single time I let embarrassment stop me from taking pictures with the people I love. If I’m near you, and I obnoxiously ask to take a picture, please let me. That’s me loving you.
And please, please, please ask anyone in your life that’s grieving (anyone who’s lost anyone ever) about their person, who is very much alive in their heart. Use the deceased’s name. Share a memory of their person. Ask them if they need anything, even though the answer will be no. Hug them. Tell them you’re sorry for their loss and simply listen. Whether it was yesterday or thirty years ago. Be human. Be empathic. Be kind.
I LOVE YOU MOM!!