Warning, this just turned into a rant. It’s been busy, and I’m ready to return to regularly scheduled programming.
I just celebrated 18 years at my job. I started there when I was 19, so ya, almost half my life. I like the place, and I like what I do — but honestly, it comes in waves. We’ve just gone through our crazy busy season where I’m there for 14 hour shifts with no break and running three machines at a time, ordering Jimmy Johns since they so kindly deliver to a dark industrial park in the middle of the night at a sketchy building with only one light on in the back. We do three times the amount of work each month for two months in the Fall than we do any other month of the year. Working side by side all day with my boss, who I feel is overwhelmingly overbearing, was not fun. Not fun at all.
And then there was my husband’s shoulder surgery; rotator cuff and torn bicep tendon. Poor guy’s been Netflixing and chill and not much else. After six weeks they started his physical therapy which has made it more painful, but he’s beginning to move it more. That was stressful, the anticipation of the surgery, the morning of, the anesthesiologist and nurses giving me quite the scare. And then the weeks sleeping on the couch in the upright position. The inner struggle he had deciding if he was going to use the oxycontin they gave him or not, having never used drugs in his whole life and being a documentary junkie and seeing all the ins and outs of addition, especially the opioid crisis that is happening. That first day the pain was so intense he did the sign of the cross over himself hoping he wouldn’t get addicted, and after four days he took his last pill and called himself good. Phew. Recovery has been very slow, and trips out to do grocery shopping have resulted in fearful conversations with well-intended strangers explaining how long the recovery is from his shoulder, and how when they finally went back to work after eight to nine months, they only worked seven shifts before tearing it out again. Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, and all the Walking Dead later, he’s currently in a My Netflix Binging Until 3 A.M. Is Depressing Me As The Shows Are Not Long Enough kind of depression. I’ve been feeling so guilty on the weekends that I need to get him out of the house and un-bore him, but even that won’t override the Mind Numbingly Boring Weekdays. It took seven weeks before we saw a paycheck from L & I (Labor and Industries), and at that, it was only 58% of his usual income.
I had a coworker leave her abusive boyfriend and I helped her sneak an extra long lunch in to be able to go to a shelter and talk to someone about a plan before she left him. Went to her house early on a Saturday morning and packed her up, moved her out.
Both of my girl’s birthdays happen in the Fall too, so birthday parties and invitations and food and pickup drop off games were played. Lots of family parties (a gender reveal for my baby sister who’s finally having a baby!), (btws, IT’S A GIRL!!!!).
There’s been a broken sink, and a broken heater.
I’ve been trying a “self care” approach, so I went to the dentist for the first time in years, did an eye check and got contacts for the first time. No one told me contacts were so much work to get used to. Probably not the best time to start that one too.
I’ve not been reading (just audio on my commute), I’ve not been writing, I’ve not been seeing my therapist very much or doing my reiki treatments… I’ve been feeling tightness in my chest, my sciatica has frozen up on me twice, and I’ve been randomly smelling smoke throughout the day, and when I confided in a coworker she says that’s a sign of having a stroke. Okay thanks for that one. Can’t do much about it right now, work’s gotta be done! So I’ve been coming straight home and relaxing — okay sleeping — and trying to just chill on the weekends. Not gonna lie, I’ve been Netflixing a little myself. Can you say Babby Daddy and Grace & Frankie?
Work can be great, and I love my coworkers, it’s just this whole thing with my boss. If I could get past it, or figure out how to interact with them, that would make all of this less stressful. Maybe.
Here’s to slower times, when I can BE with my family and not just next to them glad I’m NOT somewhere else.