Bossy

I’m driving myself insane at my day job
Or at least she is
The constant struggle of being enough is enough for anyone
to want to choke something

You cry too much, you cry too much, you cry too much…
Yes I do, how can I not?

You need to be more, do more, try more…
I’ll never be enough for her
I’ll never have enough or try enough,
or accomplish enough

I point out a wonderful thing I did
Okay, so now there’s this, this and this…

I mean which is it? Am I too sensitive or not sensitive enough?
Pick an opinion, a viewpoint
Make a stance, and then stay there
Don’t tell ME that I’M wrong because you changed your fucking mind

You shouldn’t feel so much, this is a business
The monster, it needs what it needs

I feel like I can handle each task, ask me which…
I can do that, and that, and, oh yes, that
But seriously, act like you’re older than twelve, make eye contact, sit up straight, control the room, handle that better, make better decisions

The Gemini is two heads and neither one of them is my friend
Friends all say, quit! Get out of there! You are crazy to stay!
It’s definitely her, not you

My inner child is scared, so scared, can’t get it right and worried of getting attacked
daily verbal attacks
body language says it all
Can’t handle the onslaught of your presense

I trust you with everything, all of it
Why can’t you do more, be more, have more, try more
Because I am a puppet, a pet, your bitch

I’m tired, so tired,
of waiting for HER to be in a good mood so I can be in one
of waiting for HER to let go of control so I can take some
of waiting for HER to say I’m finally enough
and that she LOVES me

I must love myself, but how?
I have no basis of understanding for self love
Self Love Deficit my therapist says
Puts me in a world of codependency where I draw narcissists to me like magnets
Ffffffffffffff chunk, there you are

Talks, crying, “What is wrong?”
Can’t take it anymore
I am unhappy, miserable even
Are you kidding me, are you kidding me, are you kidding me?
What could possibly be wrong, when you stomp and throw fits over file cabinets YOU can’t figure out, those bastards are so fucking organized, you know why? Because I did it myself and I’m actually really fucking good at organizing

I want to be a grown up, but I need both of us to be one, and I’m obviously not either
Trying to be responsible and forgiving
but the roommate within is driving me nuts
and sharing the room with you is breaking every part of me in half
there is nothing left for the people I love and that truly love me

Be objective, grow a pair, sit up straight, let down your hair
Make decisions, why didn’t you ask me?
We have core values, it’s those things…
Those aren’t core values those are just our vision

I’ll never win, I’ll never make her happy since she is not happy with herself
Meanwhile I’m sitting on this fucking merry-go-round helping push it faster
I need to Get. The. Fuck. Out.

But stay, it can all be yours, I love you and you mean everything to me
Shut the fuck up, I just can’t anymore

Be the observer in the seat of consciousness
Open your heart
Let the energy burn off now, avoid the samskaras that build up inside
Let it go, but I can’t!!!!

Breathe…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s